Tom was moved to hospice this evening - Hospice Atlanta. The doctor at the hospital suggested doing a liver biopsy and then another lumbar puncture - both very painful procedures. I elected not to. When I walked in today and saw Tom struggling with his breathing, eyes closed, mouth wide open and drooling, I decided that Tom didn't need all of that. Even if these procedures had pinpointed the issue, Tom was already in a no-win situation. A liver transplant and chemotherapy would have taken his life. I want him to relax and be as pain-free as possible. The doctor agreed in a roundabout way, as they are not permitted to speak their feelings (I've learned that over the past four years). I know deep down that he agreed with my decision. He said he was surprised that Tom has made it this far.
This was the most difficult decision I have EVER had to make. Even though I know I made the right decision, it is still a very troubling feeling.. Tom has been in a coma before (mentioned somewhere in a previous blog entry a couple of years ago), and made a remarkable recovery. This experience is nowhere near his condition at that time. He was able to walk, and eat, and talk, and drive, and maintain personal hygiene after coming out of the coma back then - he was self-sufficient. He honestly can't do anything right now.
Tom is in a much more relaxing place. His room is lit by calming lamp lighting, his "hospital bed" is much softer and lower to the ground like a normal bed. There is soft, soothing music playing very quietly, and there are accommodations for loved ones. The doctors and nurses are wonderful. This is the best place Tom can be right now They will give him enough Morphine to keep him pain-free, yet not so much as to put him in a complete stupor.
Katie and I are really struggling, but we are there for each other. If she's not crying, I am, and vice-versa. We comfort each other the best we can. It's good to have someone who knows exactly what you are going through. We share the same pain and share the same fond memories.
I have photos from today, and will post them later.