The Eulogy

My good friend, Carla offered to provide the eulogy at Tom's memorial service. She exceeded my expectations, and I wanted to be sure I shared this beautiful sentiment with you in my blog. Thank you, Carla.

The challenge for me in speaking about Tom becomes how to cover all the things that I could say about him and not keep everyone here for days. Tom was a true Renaissance man who never ceased to amaze me with his bank of knowledge. I learned many things from conversations with him, including an appreciation of his authenticity as a human being in his actions towards others as well as the deep, personal, level he could take a conversation. Tom had so many interests, he loved his family, he enjoyed his work and the people he worked with, and he enjoyed his successes as a provider. He was creative, adventurous, athletic, a good cook, he had a spiritual side, and…he was easy on the eyes!

One golden thread in the tapestry of his life that we shared was a common interest in music. In many of our conversations, there was a musical component. We both enjoyed all kinds of music, along with playing the guitar. One great memory I have is when my husband and I had an alley party. My music partner, Marie and I decided we would provide the music, so we went about setting up amps and mics. Tom, Lisa and Katie came over and I had a couple of extra guitars out for anyone who wanted to jam. Marie and I had some music that we wanted to do and I asked Tom to join us. Much to my happiness, he jumped in and we had a great time singing and jamming together until dinner was served. Personally, I had visions of a family band in the makings. Shortly after that evening, Tom bought a Martin guitar, much to my envy and joy. He said he had so much fun that evening that he wanted to get back into playing.

Recently, I had the joy and opportunity to see Katie in a chorus concert at her school. She did a short solo and I became so excited at the beauty of what I heard from her, and her obvious interest in music. Afterwards, we went back to the house and messed around with a song that Katie liked. I promised to work on the guitar part so we could do the song together.

Two Sundays ago when I was again at the house, Katie and I worked on the song and got it to a level where we thought we could perform it for Lisa and Tom. We gathered with them in the bedroom and commenced to doing the song. It was a very special moment with smiles and tears from us all.

For me, the beauty of the moment was the realization of a reciprocation of a similar event nine years before, when I watched Tom bring a new meaning and level to singing sweet songs to his baby girl. Katie was between three and four when I stopped by one night for a visit. Beauty and the Beast was a biggie in Katie’s world, and Tom invited me to stay to hear the song from the movie, that he and Katie had worked up. Well, let me tell you, I was mesmerized….Katie dressed up in her princess outfit, crown included, as well it should be. She sat with regal countenance on her thrown, which was a bar chair, and as the music began, a demure smile crossed Katie’s face as she got into her princess character. Tom, in his character as “The Beast” began singing to her passionately, leaping across the room, kneeling before her, hands clasped in a pleading way, up again, across the room, twirling, singing to his little Princess, and it went on like that until the end of the song. Who would have thought that nine years later the roles would be reversed and his baby girl would be singing to him and creating an equally special moment?

I spoke to Tom of this memory last Saturday during some alone time that we had and it brought a slight squeeze of hand and an ever so slight downward movement to his lips which was an attempt at a smile, as he shared his happiness in this memory.

Thank you, Lisa, for your courage through this. I watched your sweet, gentle, loving care so many times and you have gained Heroine status in my eyes. You were certainly one of Tom’s main angels! Thank you for keeping the blog that became increasingly important to so many of us in keeping up with what was happening with Tom.

Thank you Katie for being his sweet baby and I will pray that your memory bank stays alive with good loving memories that you have had with your dad. You are also one of my heroines.

Thank you, Mr. Carter for having such a wonderful son who was a testament to you and Tom’s mother, as parents.

I send my condolences to his sisters and to his brother in their loss of Tom. I don’t think that time heals our wounds and emptiness, but I do believe that time simply gives us a chance to adapt to something new as we go forward.

To all of us who have been enriched by knowing Tom, we have a great example of high standards to aspire to and we have all been blessed by having him touch our lives in whatever way he did.